The layover...

If this was a plane I'd be on a two week layover. But this is not a plane, it is an ancient RV that ran out of gas and then had a starter fail. So it was more like a two week hibernation.

Cash flow resumes tomorrow, starter is now replaced, gas tank will be full to the engine's gulping top and I'll be on the concert tour again.

I find lots of WiFi sites I can reach while parked so I can continue the marketing of concerts, sales of music, submission of manuscripts, and general chit chat on FB or Twitter. Of course, part of my marketing is right up there at the top of the page, the various links to reach the sites that have some part of me.

I might mention that in 2010 I only composed 11 solo instrumentals pieces while most years I compose in excess of 25. The 25 is good since my subscription guarantees 25 an automatic extension on the subscription.  In the past two weeks I have composed fourteen solo works and twenty-three since the beginning of October. Also added another duet while continuing work on some large form compositions. 

The weather is fixing to change in a few days, and I'll be on the road, but I'm sure I won't be outrunning the snow and cold. Oh well, its just another challenge.

To My Children...

To you, each of you, I give my heart, my soul, my love. I have never stopped loving you. I miss you to the point of tears each and every day. I long to know you and my grandchildren with the very core of my being.

I love you; and, although I may not have been a perfect father I know that I was not a bad father. The pain of having lost your love is worse than burning alive.

I miss you; your presence empowered my life, and your absence leaves me drained and broken.

I long to know you; even though I see your aura in the distance, and feel your heartbeats with each breath I take, I long to know you, to know my grandchildren, to know the lives of those I love.

Above all, I fear rejection should I breach my shell and seek for you.

Each of you: I long for you, I miss you, and, I love you.

Deer Me...

I've been enjoying a family of deer for the past few months. The mother leads twins from last year, plus one spotted fawn from this year around the woods and meadows where I live. They often come right up to my porch while browsing. They stare at my dogs but ignore them as long as the dogs don't start running around and barking at them.

I've been working on the dogs to stay put and watch with me. They are doing fine at that most of the time.

When I went up to pick Huckleberries in July the mother doe snorted at me and kept circling around me to let me know I was a threat. I have neighbors who claim they have been attacked by a doe. I never spotted the spotted fawn when I was out in the woods, but I often see her peeking out of bushes when I'm out in the yard.

It is nice to have a family visit.

Emotionally Breaking...

I don't often watch movies because I don't feel a need for entertainment. Inside my head music flows nearly nonstop. Twisting through the music stories try to make their presence known, worming, wriggling, sailing, trying to beat the music in the path of escape...either a pen or the keyboard. Deep down I know I am damaged and unless you have ever had an emotional breakdown you won't be able to understand  the scars that creates.

Today I watched a movie at the recommendation of a hitch-hiker I recently gave a ride to when passing through Spokane. He rode with me for about an hour and before leaving he told me that he thought I should watch the movie "August Rush". We hadn't talked about movies but we had talked about music and he looked at my notebook of scores I carry. These are the scores that I wrote, that I play, that keep tumbling around trying to get out for others to hear. He said, "You really need to watch it!"

I forgot about it because I was busy with other things, but in the process of recovering from recent injuries I found my schedule has changed and I went to the library to find something to fill the gap. As I was leaving  my inner music directed me to the rack of DVDs and the first one I saw on the shelf was "August Rush".

I had no choice but to take it and go home to watch it. And then I returned it today, the same day I checked it out, because I don't think I can bear to watch it again.

The movie is FANTASTIC and if you have not yet seen it, you should get it. I am sure that many people failed to enjoy it, but I feel that more people felt part of the energy. I enjoyed it. I loved it and "love" is not a word I every use lightly. I was enthralled. I was mesmerized. And I was emotionally shattered.

I am not proud to admit that I had a mental breakdown ten years ago when my wife chose to run off. My children and I survived somehow and over the years I have recovered to where I wish there was somebody in my life again. I am an intellectual, and academic, a very strong minded person, and I did not believe in mental health issues - and yet, I collapsed.

Watching "August Rush" (2007) brought back so many thing of my life that tear at me and I was in tears. They were uncontrollable. I was sobbing. I could not breathe and my head hurt like a sledge hammer had struck me in the center of my forehead.

The boy, August Rush, (aka Evan Taylor) heard music everywhere and all the time. So do I. He was orphaned (erroneously). I was an orphaned as a child at age 4 (and then adopted) and again by my children a few years after I lost my wife and my life. He composes and conducts and so do I. And I could feel and hear his life.

The music and the portrayals within the film were exceedingly well done. The arrangements, the overall encompassing feel of the movie, and the deep, deep love that was being expressed, tore at my core - heart and soul. It was magical, expressive, and seared my heart as if a lance had been driven through me.

Life moves on and as time has passed so have on in my unique manner. Every day I know that I have music to write, music to play, words to write, life to express... August Rush did. I do. Many others also must express in many, many, forms of music and literature.

I hope that, I will rebound from this devastating release of pain much faster than I did before. Yet, if there is anything I can pass on from this experience the least would be that each of us needs to remember that there are people who must express with music, or art, or literature, or dance... They must in order to live, to stay alive, to grow.

I'm not afraid to tell you now, "I hear music. I see music. I feel music." I may never have a woman as part of my life again, and I both fear that and accept it because of who I am, but I am following the path presented to me that should be shared with a woman -- I am making music.

As my life moves on I hope that nobody ever has to feel the pain I have felt, and I wish that those who have felt worse find a soothing path in life.

I've been broken, I am damaged, and yet I am still whole. Music ... I hear it, I see it, and I feel it.

Catching Up...

It has been a busy few weeks here at Daniel-land. You can google it for a map, but I don't think they have yet located which brain cell is at work inside my head.

The last PeriODDically... post was about the video challenge. I asked for people to create a video using my Taking Tea With Lady Grey trio. Although I have only had one response so far, despite Tweeting it, I have had a great submittal. You should take seven minutes time to relax and go view the video created by Lanie Leigh of LLeigh Productns (yep, spelled like that). It is posted on YouTube and you may view it here.

I was introduced to Yegor Lanovenko this past week. He is a Ukrainian award winning poet/songwriter. He has agreed to help me in the prose/libretto/poems/text/lyrics needed for the music composition Tears For Earth that I am presently scrambling to release from its space in my brain. I wrote the text for the first movement, and Yegor has written text for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th movements. You can read the initial draft texts at Tears For Earth. At the same time, for the first movement "Bones of Earth" I have been calling for help in collecting "bones of Earth" phrases in many, many, languages. Not faring well on that task yet, but I am continuing to collect data. The current list is at the same link under Bones For Earth Chorus of Speakers menu selection. To look at more information about Yegor Lanovenko you can start at this page.

Also, this past few weeks my Twitter friend @MazzaClarinet, who is an international performing Clarinetist, has taken two of my solo pieces and performed them, videoed them, and will soon have them posted to YouTube. As soon as they are available I will update this page to include the link. One of the pieces is entitled "Last Shepherd" and was written and dedicated to her in her worldly name: Marion Harrington. The other title I'll hold for the update to this message.

Additionally, an author requested permission to use two other solo works for the book trailer to be created for her upcoming publication.

A week ago, Rob Graham (@pensake) interviewed me for his blog "The Write Knight." That interview of a freelance editor is easily found at Hay On Blog link. While you are there you should read Rob's other materials as there are some great articles and interviews. Tell him I said, "Thanks."

Plans for the summer were semi-solidified this past week when the papers on my Idaho gold mining claim were filed and mailed. I am expecting to be driving from Spokane, WA to Sioux Falls, SD area to pick up the stuff I left in storage when my truck broke down last October. Then back to Pierce, ID area for a summer leisure (if you call hand shoveling 10-12 tons of rock leisure). I might even find a few flecks of gold.

Last, perhaps, but not least, I maintain two separate subscriptions list. The first is a subscription to each piece of music I create for solo instruments during the year and is suitable for most orchestral instruments in the strings, woodwind or brass groups. They are sent via email as pdf files. The second is the mp3 files for ALL compositions I create during the year (solo or other chamber works). You may play my music (or a child/grandchild/friend) or you may listen to it. For more information visit danielhaycomposer.

This is a rushed entry for PeriODDically... and I'm hoping there are no glaring or blaring errors. However, if you see any I always appreciate corrections emailed to me.

Interviewed...

What a thrill it is...


Twitter user @pensake (Rob Graham) interviewed me as a freelance editor on his blog "The Write Knight". It was posted on 25 May 2011 so you'll find it at http://goo.gl/17nxW at the top or in the May 2011 Archives. Please, while you are there, take the time to look around his blog because there are some other great articles. Enjoy the visit.

If you wish to comment on the interview please do so there and I will try to reply. If you think I've missed replying you can contact me on Twitter @jesterhay or by emailing danielhay@gmail.com.

Video Contest...

I had a friend who was going to work with me to create a video based upon the musical score "Taking Tea With Lady Grey".

I'd like to challenge video producers, trailer makers, film clip creators, of all types to create their work of art using my music. The music is about 5 and one half minutes long. The only thing that I require is that only my music is used, and that I receive credit for the music. I'd like to be able to create a web page listing each piece.

You can listen to "Taking Tea With Lady Grey" at http://danielhay.podbean.com and if you are interested in creating a work of art with it I can provide you a .wav or .mp3 file for your soundtrack.

All received entries will also be listed here in my blog, many times on Twitter, and on a separate web page.

Share this with those you know may be interested.